Editors notes:

       

       11-8-95 (GB)

       Big thanks to Marty for making the copy available!!

       

       This was scanned from at least a 2nd generation

       photocopy.  The OCR software did an admirable job of

       recognizing most of the characters.  More errors were

       caught during editing and through spell check.  The

       formatting of the document was badly mangled and has been

       recreated to match the original, at least superficially.

       The bulk of this editing work has been performed in

       Microsoft Word for Windows.

       

       The page between pages 27 and A28A was damaged on the

       original-- the left 40% of the page was blank.  At this

       time, I have not attempted to fill in the blanks.

       

       Some spelling errors present in the original document

       were left in for authenticity ("focussed", "travellers"

       for examples).  I personally feel it gives more of the

       original flavor.

       

       Greg

       

       

       11-10-95

       Greg--

       

       I read the entire script with an eye for finding

       missing/misspelled words, etc. At every error, I fixed it

       if it was VERY obvious. If it was only mildly obvious, or

       if I was taking a wild guess, I made the change but I

       marked the word(s) involved. If I had a quetion about a

       word I marked it. I marked word(s) with ### and changed

       the font color to red. To see all the questionable bits,

       just use the FIND feature and search for every ###

       (there's only 20).

       

       ...

       

       Thanks for letting me work on this with you...and thanks

       for making this script available to the group.

                                                    --Kathleen

       

       (GB) Made final edits.

       

                                    Rev. 01/15/89   (Pink)

                                    Rev. 02/16/89   (Blue)

                                    Rev. 03/13/89   (Yellow)

                                    Rev. 03/15/89   (Green)

                                    Rev. 03/23/89   (Goldenrod)

                                    Rev. 04/14/89   (Buff)

                                    Rev. 05/16/89   (Salmon)

                                    Rev. 05/31/89   (Cherry)

                                    Rev. 06/02/89   (Tan)

                                    Rev. 06/07/89   (White)

                                    Rev. 08/21/89   (Pink)

                                    Rev. 08/25/89   (Blue)

                                    

       

       

       

       

                     JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO

                                

                                

                                

                           Written by

                      John Patrick Shanley

                                

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

                                        FIRST DRAFT

                                        September 1987

WARNER BROS. INC.                       (c) 1988

4000 Warner Boulevard                   WARNER BROS. INC.

Burbank, California 91522               All Rights Reserved

       

       Rev. 01/15/89

       

                     JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO

       

       GREY SCREEN

       

       The TITLE appears in white letters -

       

                     JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO

                                

       MUSIC.  Borodin's "Polovtsian Dances," Chicago Symphony

       Orchestra, begins to play.  The stormy part.

       

       The CREDITS ROLL.

       

       The credits have that depressing, shitty, this is going

       to be one of those lousy black and white movies from the

       1950s look.  This is going to be one of those cheap teen

       sci-fi movies about a creature

       

       MUSIC.  When the female star's name appears, Borodin's

       theme, which will later become adapted into "Strangers In

       Paradise," plays.  Then we return to the stormy part,

       which subsides as:

       

       The CREDITS END.

       

       The following LEGEND appears on the field of grey:

       

                         "You only live twice.

                         Once when you're born,

                         Once when you look death in the face."

       

                                       -- James Bond

       

       The LEGEND remains, but the field of grey turns to a rich

       texture of solid gold.

       

       MUSIC.  "The Girl From Ipanema," sung by the likes of Tom

       Waits, sung like it was the Downest blues song anybody

       ever croaked out just before the final curtain.  The

       MUSIC starts as the field turns from grey to gold.  The

       MUSIC PLAYS ON.

       

       

1      EXT. AMERICAN PANASCOPE CORPORATION - DAY                  1

       

       We're in color now, but it's a grey world.  It's an ugly

       building about the size of a city block and a couple of

       stories high.  It's surrounded by hurricane fence topped

       with barbed wire.  Outside the fence is a muddy parking

       lot.  On the fence is a sign that reads:

       

                    AMERICAN PANASCOPE CORP.

                                

                         a subsidiary of

                                

                              ACHI

                                                                 

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                1A.

       

1      CONTINUED:                                                 1

       

       The sign also has an abstract logo; a sort've German

       Expressionist's version of a lightning bolt.  Another

       sign reads:

       

                    HOME OF THE RECTAL PROBE

                                

       It's a grey winter's morning.  It's raining or snowing or

       it just has or it's about to.  There's a guard at a gate

       nodding workers inside the fence.  They trail listlessly

       past him and continue on their way to the building's

       entrance.  Most of them carry or are using grey or black

       umbrellas.  Since they are coming from the parking lot,

       and since the entrance to the building is still almost a

       city block away once inside the fence, this straggling

       line of workers stretches hundreds of yards.  Some of the

       workers wear hats.

       

       We see the line of workers FROM HIGH OVERHEAD

       

       The line is in the same shape as the lightning bolt logo.

       

       One of these workers is JOE BANKS.  Joe is in his early

       thirties.  He's wearing a beat-up black trench coat;

       under the trench coat he's got on a cheap and square

       jacket and tie.  This is a depressed man.  You can see

       where he could be cool, where he could have something on

       the ball.  But he's way too beaten down and depressed to

       be cool.  Joe steps in a puddle.  He pulls his shoe out

       of the water.  He notices the sole is coming loose from

       the shoe.  This depresses him further.  He walks on.  The

       sound of the WATER SQUISHING in his shoe can be heard.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 1/15/89                 2.

       

       

2      INT. PANASCOPE BUILDING - DAY                              2

       

       Joe is shuffling down the main walk in the building.  On

       his left are doors leading to offices.  On his right is

       the factory, which has the feel of an airplane hangar.

       The factory is separated from the walk on which Joe

       progresses by a heavy wire fence twelve feet high.  Joe

       passes by a sign on this fence that says "Shipping." This

       area is filled with thousands of brown cardboard boxes; a

       shipping clerk among these boxes pulls a lever on a

       device; the device spews out several feet of wet brown

       tape.  Joe continues on.  He passes a sign on the fence

       that says "Canteen."  This area contains a row of vending

       machines and two long tables; a guy who looks like he's

       going to die is sitting at one of the tables eating pink

       Hostess snowballs; he eats them in a slow, dismal way, as

       if they were giant sleeping pills.  Joe continues on.  He

       passes a sign on the fence that says "Quality Control."

       This is the biggest area; it's filled with workers in

       shower caps and worn white jackets; they work a distance

       apart from each other, at long tables; they are

       inspecting terrifying medical instruments.  One of these

       workers, a middle-aged woman named Sally, attaches a

       catheter to an air pump.  The catheter inflates and

       finally explodes.  Sally seems satisfied.  Joe continues

       on, his shoe distantly SQUISHING.  He stops at one of the

       office doors on his left. The lettering on the door

       reads:

       

                     ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT

                                

       Joe opens the door and goes in.  The SONG ENDS.

       

       

3      INT. ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT - DAY                          3

       

       The place is lit with those totally draining, deadening

       fluorescent lights.  DEDE, a secretary in her late

       twenties, is sitting at her desk, typing.  She's pretty,

       maybe a little hard.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                 3.

       

3      CONTINUED:                                                 3

       

       She types like an automatic weapon.  Her makeup doesn't

       really work under these lights.  She nods briefly to Joe,

       and goes on with her typing.  Joe tries to hang up his

       hat, but it keeps falling off the hook.  He is endlessly

       patient.  It's the sound of the typewriter that makes him

       miss.  At last he succeeds.  Behind Dede, at a bigger

       desk, is MR. WATURI.  He's leaning back in an executive

       chair, talking on the phone.  He's middle-aged, olive

       skinned, in a dark suit that shows up his significant

       dandruff.  His teeth are yellow as rancid butter.  And

       there's enough grease shining on his forehead to coat a

       skillet.  He's talking into the phone.

       

                                WATURI

                    Yeah, Harry, but can he do the

                    job?  I know he can get the

                    job, but can he do the job?

                    I'm not arguing that with you.

                    I'm not arguing that with you.

                    I'm not arguing that with you

       

       Mr. Waturi waves absently at Joe and goes on talking into

       the phone.

       

                                WATURI

                    Who told you that?  No.  I

                    told you that.  Me.  What?

                    Maybe. Maybe.  Maybe.

       

       Joe hangs up his coat on the coat rack and goes to the

       coffee set-up at the rear of the office.  He snaps a

       disposable plastic coffee cup into a permanent plastic

       holder.  He puts a spoonful of instant coffee in the cup.

       Then a spoonful of powdered creamer.  Then two spoonfuls

       of sugar.  He takes a plastic stirrer and stirs the

       powders.  He pours in the hot water and stirs.  Little

       clumps of undissolved stuff rise to the top.  Joe tries

       to break them up with the stirrer and partially succeeds.

       He feels the glands in his throat.  Maybe they're a

       little swollen.  He rubs his eyes.  They're burning a

       little.  He takes his coffee and walks past Mr. Waturi

       and into his own office.

       

       

4      INT. ADVERTISING LIBRARY - JOE'S OFFICE - DAY              4

       

       The same fluorescent lighting.  There's a small wooden

       desk which has on it an old electric typewriter and an

       out-of-place lamp; it's a lamp Joe brought from home. The

       rest of the office is almost entirely taken up with grey

       industrial shelving.  On these shelves are brochures

       depicting various medical instruments.  Samples of each

       brochure are taped to the appropriate shelf.  Behind

       Joe's desk is a pipe that runs floor-to-ceiling and is

       painted fire-engine red.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - 5/16/89                      4.

       

4      CONTINUED:                                                 4

       

       In the center of this pipe is a big wheel valve.  Hanging

       from this valve is a printed metal sign.

       

       The sign reads:  THE MAIN DRAIN.  Another sign reads: Do

       Not Touch.  Joe turns on the lamp, which casts a small

       ring of golden light, and sits down with his coffee.  He

       takes off his shoe and examines it.  He tries to huddle

       close to the lamp, like a cold creature trying to get

       warm.  Dede comes in.

       

                                JOE

                    Good morning, Dede.

       

                                DEDE

                    Hi, Joe.  What's with the

                    shoe?

       

                                JOE

                    I'm losing my sole.

       

                                DEDE

                    Yeah. How you doin'?

       

                                JOE

                    I'm a little tired.

       

                                DEDE

                    Yeah.

                           (she hands him some

                           labels)

                    Here.  Each one gets sent five

                    catalogs.

       

                                JOE

                    Can't do it.

       

                                DEDE

                    Why not?

       

                                JOE

                    I only got twelve catalogs

                    left altogether.

       

                                DEDE

                    Okay.

       

       She leaves.  Joe puts his shoe back on.  Mr. Waturi comes

       in.  Joe cowers.  He's threatened by Mr. Waturi.

       

                                WATURI

                    How you doin', Joe?

       

                                JOE

                    Well, I'm not feeling very

                    good, Mr. Waturi.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89               A4A.

       

4      CONTINUED:   (A1A)                                         4

       

       Mr. Waturi chuckles.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 1/15/89                4A.

       

4      CONTINUED:  (1A)                                           4

       

                                WATURI

                    So what else is new? You never

                    feel good.

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah. Well. That's the

                    problem. Anyway, I got the

                    doctor's appointment today.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                             5.



4      CONTINUED:  (2)                                            4

       

                                WATURI

                    Another doctor's appointment?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.

       

                                WATURI

                    Listen, Joe.  What's this Dede

                    tells me about the catalogs?

       

                                JOE

                    I've only got twelve.

       

                                WATURI

                    How'd you let us get down to

                    twelve?

       

                                JOE

                    I told you.

       

                                WATURI

                    When?

       

                                JOE

                    Three weeks ago.  Then two

                    weeks ago.

       

                                WATURI

                    Did you tell me last week?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

                                WATURI

                    Why not?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't know.  I thought you

                    knew.

       

                                WATURI

                    Not good enough, Joe!  Not

                    nearly good enough!  I put you

                    in charge of the entire

                    advertising library...

       

                                JOE

                    You mean, this room.

       

                                WATURI

                    I gave you carte blanche how

                    to deal with the materials in

                    here...

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                             6.

       

4      CONTINUED:  (3)                                            4

       

                                JOE

                    You put the orders into the

                    printer, Mr. Waturi, not me.

                    That's how you wanted it.

       

                                WATURI

                    You're not competent to put

                    the orders into the printer!

                    That's a very technical...

       

                                JOE

                    I thought you were going to

                    explain it to me.

       

                                WATURI

                    I was going to do better than

                    that.  I was going to make you

                    assistant manager.  I want to

                    make you assistant manager.

                    But you, you're not flexible!

                    You're inflexible.

       

                                JOE

                    I don't feel inflexible.

       

                                WATURI

                    You're inflexible.  Totally.

                    And this doctor appointment!

                    You're always going to the

                    doctor!

       

                                JOE

                    I don't feel good.

       

                                WATURI

                    So what!  Do you think I feel

                    good?  Nobody feels good.

                    After childhood, it's a fact

                    of life.  I feel rotten.  So

                    what?  I don't let it bother

                    me.  I don't let it interfere

                    with my job.

       

                                JOE

                    What do you want from me, Mr.

                    Waturi?

       

                                WATURI

                    You're like a child.  What's

                    this lamp for?  Isn't there

                    enough light in here?

       

                                JOE

                    These fluorescent lights

                    affect me.  They make me feel

                    blotchy, puffy.  I thought

                    this light would...

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                             7.

       

4      CONTINUED: (4)                                             4

       

                                WATURI

                    Get rid of the light.  This

                    isn't your bedroom, this is an

                    office. Maybe if you start

                    treating this like a job

                    instead of some kind of

                    welfare hospital, you'll shape

                    up. And I want those catalogs.

       

                                JOE

                    Then please order them.

       

                                WATURI

                    Watch yourself, Joe.  Think

                    about what I've said.  You've

                    gotta get yourself into a

                    flexible frame or you're no

                    place.

       

       He starts to leave, but stops and looks back.

                                

                                WATURI

                    Take that light off your desk.

       

                                JOE

                    I will.

       

                                WATURI

                    Take it off now.

       

       Joe unplugs the light and takes it off his desk.

       

                                WATURI

                    Good.

       

       Waturi leaves.  Joe sits at his desk, shrinking in the

       fluorescent light.  He sips his coffee. The PHONE RINGS

       and he answers.

       

                                JOE

                    Advertising library.  Fifty?

                    I'm sorry, we don't have that

                    many in stock.  I don't know

                    why.  The catalog is a

                    thing... I don't know.  It's

                    here and it's gone.  I can't

                    explain.  It's a mystery.

       

       He hangs up the phone.  Dede has quietly come in.  She's

       looking at Joe.  She speaks to him in a low voice.

       

                                DEDE

                    Why do you let Waturi talk to

                    you like that?

       

       

                                JOE

                    Like what?

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                             8.



4      CONTINUED:  (5)                                            4

       

                                DEDE

                    What's wrong with you?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't... feel very good.

       

       She looks at him.  She's frustrated with this guy.  This

       is somebody who she could go for, but he's just lying

       there like a dog waiting to be kicked.  He looks at her.

       If he had the strength, if he were feeling a little

       better, he'd make a play for this woman.  But he's

       helpless.  He just doesn't feel very good.  Absently, he

       feels the glands in his throat.

       

                                DEDE

                    What's the matter with you?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't know.

       

       She stares at him.  She's angry, frustrated.  She turns

       and walks out. Joe's eyes are shining with tears that

       will not fall.  He is powerless to help himself.  He

       mutters to himself, fierce and impotent.

       

       

                                JOE

                    I don't know.

       

       He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes.

       

       

5      INT. DOCTOR'S WAITING ROOM - DAY                           5

       

       We discover Joe with the heels of his hands pressed into

       his eyes.  This room is fluorescently lit, too, and

       perhaps at first we don't realize we have gone somewhere

       else.  A nurse's voice is heard.

       

                                NURSE (O.S.)

                    Mr. Banks?  Mr. Banks?

       

       Joe, startled, takes his hands from his eyes. The CAMERA

       PULLS BACK and we see we're in a doctor's waiting room.

       And now we see the NURSE.  She is a very conservative,

       W.A.S.P. Nurse .

       

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah?

       

                                NURSE

                    Doctor Ellison will see you

                    now.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                 9.

       

6      INT. DR. ELLISON'S OFFICE - DAY                            6

       

       The lighting in the doctor's office is the first warm,

       relaxing light we've seen.  It comes from lamps and a

       little frosted window.  The office itself is full of old

       wood and books.  DR. ELLISON sits in a comfortable chair,

       at an old desk.  He is the last word in doctors.  He's a

       large, respectable, distinguished, greyed-haired M.D.

       He's a specialist.  You get the feeling he may be a

       genius.

       

                                ELLISON

                    How are you feeling, Mr.

                    Banks?

       

                                JOE

                    Pretty much the same.  I feel

                    puffy, blotchy.  I never seem

                    to have very much energy.  I

                    get these little sore throats.

                    I just don't feel good.

       

                                ELLISON

                    And how long have you felt

                    this way?

       

                                JOE

                    Well.  Pretty much since I

                    left the Fire Department.  On

                    and off. But since then.

                    'Bout eight years.

       

                                ELLISON

                    What did you do in the Fire

                    Department?

       

                                JOE

                    Well, ah, you know, I put out

                    fires.

       

                                ELLISON

                    Was it dangerous?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.  Ahm, pretty rough

                    stuff. But I came out of it

                    okay.  The hard part was not

                    feeling good all the time.  I

                    started not feeling good all

                    the time.  So I hadda quit.

       

       Ellison nods.

       

                                ELLISON

                    Yes.  I've gotten the results

                    of your tests.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 10.

       

6      CONTINUED:                                                 6

       

                                JOE

                    I've got cancer.

       

                                ELLISON

                    No.

       

                                JOE

                    This new venereal...

       

                                ELLISON

                    No.

       

                                JOE

                    Is there something wrong with

                    my blood or urine or...?

       

                                ELLISON

                    No, they're fine.  But there

                    is something.

       

                                JOE

                    Tell me.

       

                                ELLISON

                    You have a brain cloud.

       

                                JOE

                    A brain cloud.

       

                                ELLISON

                    There's a black fog of tissue

                    running right down the center

                    of your brain.  It's very

                    rare.  It will spread at a

                    regular rate. It's very

                    destructive.

       

                                JOE

                    And it's incurable.

       

                                ELLISON

                    Yes.

       

                                JOE

                    How long?

       

                                ELLISON

                    Six months.  You can pretty

                    much count on it being about

                    that. It's not painful.  Your

                    brain will simply fail.

                    Followed abruptly by your

                    body.  You can depend on at

                    least four and half or five

                    months of perfect health.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 11.

       

6      CONTINUED:  (2)                                            6

       

                                JOE

                    But what are you talking

                    about, Doctor?  I don't feel

                    good right now.

       

                                ELLISON

                    That's the ironic part,

                    really. Mr. Banks, you're a

                    hypochondriac. There's nothing

                    wrong with you that has

                    anything to do with your

                    symptoms.  My guess is your

                    experiences in the Fire

                    Department were extremely

                    traumatic.  You experienced

                    the imminent possibility of

                    death.  Several times?

                           (as Joe nods numbly)

                    You survived.  But the

                    cumulative anxiety of those

                    brushes with death left you

                    habitually fearful. About your

                    physical person.

       

                                JOE

                    I'm not sick?  Except for this

                    terminal disease?

       

                                ELLISON

                    Which has no symptoms.  That's

                    right.  It was only because of

                    your insistence on having so

                    many tests that we happened to

                    discover the problem.

       

       Joe laughs, a little maniacally, then stops abruptly.

       

                                JOE

                    What am I going to do?

       

                                ELLISON

                    Well, if you have any savings

                    you might think about taking a

                    trip, a vacation?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't have any savings.  A

                    few hundred bucks.  I've spent

                    everything on doctors.

       

                    ELLISON

                    Yes.  Perhaps you'll want a

                    second opinion?

       

                                JOE

                    A brain cloud.  I knew it.

                    Well, I didn't know it, but I

                    knew it.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                12.

       

6      CONTINUED:  (3)                                            6

       

                                ELLISON

                    Yes.

       

                                JOE

                    What am I going to do?

       

                                ELLISON

                    You have some time left, Mr.

                    Banks. You have some life

                    left. My advice to you is:

                    Live it well.

       

                                JOE

                    I've got to go.  I'm on my

                    lunch hour which is over.

       

       Joe gets up and Ellison follows suit, putting out his

       hand.

       

                                ELLISON

                    I'm sorry for what I had to

                    tell you. I wish the news had

                    been better.

       

       Joe doesn't take his hand.

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah .

       

       Joe leaves. Ellison starts to sit down. Joe comes back

       in.

       

                                JOE

                    I'm sorry I didn't shake your

                    hand.

       

       Joe takes the doctor's hand and shakes it.  Then he drops

       it and exits abruptly.  Ellison sits there a moment, not

       moving.  Then he opens a drawer in his desk and takes out

       a flask.  He pours himself a drink and begins to drink

       it.

       

       

7      EXT. MEDICAL LEAGUE BUILDING - DAY                         7

       

       This is the building Ellison's office is in.  Joe's car

       is parked out front.  Joe comes slowly out.  It's still

       overcast, but lighter and dryer than it was earlier. As

       Joe walks down the steps, an elderly woman approaches

       with her dog, Molly, a mutt.  Joe sees the dog and stops,

       fixed on it.  He pats the dog on the head.  The elderly

       woman thinks this is nice.

       

       Then Joe embraces the dog, and kneeling down, hugs it

       intensely.  The elderly woman is alarmed and pulls the

       dog away.  Joe looks after them.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                13.

       

7      CONTINUED:                                                 7

       

       Then he gets in his car, which is beat-up and beige.

       Drives off.

       

       

8      EXT. AMERICAN PANASCOPE CORPORATION PARKING LOT - DAY          8

       

       Joe drives INTO FRAME.  He gets out and we FOLLOW him as

       he approaches the GUARD at the gate.  The Guard nods him

       in.  He starts to walk past.  Then he goes back to the

       Guard.

       

                                JOE

                    What's your name?

       

                                GUARD

                    Fred.

                                

                                JOE

                    Fred.

       

       He thinks that over and then goes on his way.

       

       

9      INT. PANASCOPE BUILDING - DAY                              9

       

       Joe standing outside the door marked Advertising Dept. He

       is thoughtful.  He goes in.

       

       

10     INT. ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT - DAY                  10

       

       Joe comes in.  Dede is typing away.  Mr. Waturi is on the

       phone.  Joe hangs up his coat.  He misses with the hat

       again because of Dede's typing.  He leans over and

       switches the typewriter off.  Then he picks up his hat,

       dusts it off and throws it in the garbage can.

       

                                WATURI

                           (on phone)

                    No.  No.  You were wrong.  He

                    was wrong.  Who said that?  I

                    didn't say that.  If I had

                    said that, I would've been

                    wrong.  I would've been wrong,

                    Harry, isn't that right?

       

       Mr. Waturi's attention is split between his call and Joe,

       who is walking around the office like a tourist.

       

                                WATURI

                    Listen, let me call you back,

                    I've got something here, okay?

                    And don't tell him anything

                    till we finish our

                    conversation, okay?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 14.

       

10     CONTINUED:                                                10

       

       Mr. Waturi hangs up the phone.  Joe is looking at the

       coffee set-up.

       

                                WATURI

                    Joe?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah?

       

                                WATURI

                    You were at lunch three hours.

       

                                JOE

                    About that.

       

       Joe wanders away, into his office.  Waturi looks after.

       

       

11     INT. JOE'S OFFICE - DAY                                   11

       

       Joe is staring at the big wheel valve sporting the sign

       that says Main Drain.  Mr. Waturi comes in as Joe moves

       forward and, with great effort, rotates the wheel to its

       opposite extreme.  This scares Waturi.

       

                                WATURI

                    Joe, what are you doing?

       

                                JOE

                    I'm opening, or closing, the

                    main drain.

       

       Nothing happens.

       

                                WATURI

                    You shouldn't be touching

                    that.

       

                                JOE

                    Nothing happened.  Do you know

                    how long I've been wondering

                    what would happen if I did

                    that?

       

                                WATURI

                    What's the matter with you?

       

                                JOE

                    Brain cloud.

       

                                WATURI

                    What?

       

                                JOE

                    Never mind.  Listen, Mr.

                    Waturi. Frank.  I quit.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                15.

       

11     CONTINUED:                                                11

       

       Joe starts to take some stuff out of his desk.  He looks

       at his lamp, gets the cord, plugs it in, and turns it on.

       

                                WATURI

                    You mean, today?

       

                                JOE

                    That's right.

       

                                WATURI

                    That's great.  Well, don't

                    come looking for a reference.

       

                                JOE

                    Okay, I won't.

       

                                WATURI

                    You blew this job.

       

       Joe takes in the little room.

       

                                JOE

                    I've been here for four and a

                    half years.  The work I did I

                    probably could've done in

                    five, six months. That leaves

                    four years leftover.

       

       He's been filling up a shopping bag with stuff from his

       desk:  three books (Romeo and Juliet, Robinson Crusoe and

       The Odyssey), an old ukulele and his lamp.  Now he's

       finished.  He walks out of the room without even looking

       at Waturi.  Waturi goes after him as he exits.

       

       

12     INT. ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT - DAY                         12

       

       Joe is walking towards the front door.  Waturi follows

       him in.  Joe stops at Dede's desk. She's typing.  He

       looks at her.  She stops typing.

       

                                JOE

                    Four years.  If I had them

                    now. Like gold in my hand.

                    Here.  This is for you.

                           (gives Dede the lamp)

                    'Bye-bye, Dede.

       

                                DEDE

                    You're going?

       

                                WATURI

                    Well, if you're leaving,

                    leave.

                             (MORE)

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 16.

       

12     CONTINUED:                                                12

       

                                WATURI (CONT'D)

                    You'll get your check.  And, I

                    promise you, you'll be easy to

                    replace.

       

                                JOE

                    I should say something.

       

                                WATURI

                    What are you talking about?

       

                                JOE

                    This life.  Life?  What a

                    joke. This situation   This

                    room.

       

                                WATURI

                    Joe, maybe you should just...

       

                                JOE

                    You look terrible, Mr. Waturi.

                    You look like a bag of shit

                    stuffed inna cheap suit.  Not

                    that anyone would look good

                    under these zombie lights.  I

                    can feel them sucking the

                    juice outta my eyeballs. Three

                    hundred bucks a week, that's

                    the news.  For three hundred

                    bucks a week I've lived in

                    this sink. This used rubber.

       

                                WATURI

                    Watch it, mister!  There's a

                    woman here!

       

                                JOE

                    Don't you think I know that,

                    Frank? Don't you think I'm

                    aware there's a woman here?  I

                    can taste her on my tongue.  I

                    can smell her.  When I'm

                    twenty feet away, I can hear

                    the fabric of her dress when

                    she moves in her chair.  Not

                    that I've done anything about

                    it.  I've gone all day, every

                    day, not doing, not saying,

                    not taking the chance for

                    three hundred bucks a week,

                    and Frank the coffee stinks

                    it's like arsenic, the lights

                    give me a headache if the

                    lights don't give you a

                    headache you must be dead,

                    let's arrange the funeral.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 17.

       

12     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           12

       

                                WATURI

                    You better get outta here

                    right now!  I'm telling you!

       

                                JOE

                    You're telling me nothing.

       

                                WATURI

                    I'm telling you!

       

                                JOE

                    And why, I ask myself, why

                    have I put up with you?  I

                    can't imagine but I know.

                    Fear.  Yellow freakin' fear.

                    I've been too chicken shit

                    afraid to live my life so I

                    sold it to you for three

                    hundred freakin' dollars a

                    week! You're lucky I don't

                    kill you! You're lucky I don't

                    rip your freakin' throat out!

                    But I'm not going to and maybe

                    you're not so lucky at that.

                    'Cause I'm gonna leave you

                    here, Mister Wa-a-Waturi, and

                    what could be worse than that?

       

       Joe opens the door and leaves.  Mr. Waturi and Dede are

       frozen.  The door reopens and Joe comes halfway back in.

       

                                JOE

                    Dede?

                                

                                

                                DEDE

                    Yeah?

                                

                                JOE

                    How 'bout dinner tonight?

       

                                DEDE

                    Yeah, uh, okay.

       

       Joe smiles for the first time since we've met him, and

       closes the door again.

       

                                DEDE

                    Wow.  What a change.

       

                                WATURI

                    Who does he think he is?

       

13     INT. "THE SPANISH ROSE" RESTAURANT - NIGHT                13

       

       Joe and Dede are sitting at a table, steaming plates of

       food before them.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 1/15/89                18.

       

13     CONTINUED:                                                13

       

       They are drinking red wine.  Joe is caught up in a big

       idea.  Dede is mesmerized.

       

                                JOE

                    I mean, who am I?  That's the

                    real question, isn't it?  Who

                    am I? Who are you?  What other

                    questions are there?  What

                    other questions are there,

                    really?  If you want to

                    understand the universe,

                    embrace the universe, the door

                    to the universe is you!

       

                                DEDE

                    Me?

       

                                JOE

                    You.  Me.

       

                                DEDE

                    You are really intense.

       

                                JOE

                    Am I?  I guess I am.  I was.

       

                                DEDE

                    What do you mean?

       

                                JOE

                    I mean, a long time ago.  In

                    the beginning.  I was full of

                    piss and vinegar.  Nothing got

                    me down.  I wanted to know!

       

                                DEDE

                    You wanted to know what?

       

                                JOE

                    Everything!  But then, I had

                    some experiences... I was

                    talking to this guy today, he

                    says I got scared.

       

                                DEDE

                    Scared of what?

                    

                                JOE

                    Have you ever been scared?

       

                                DEDE

                    I guess so.  Sure.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       

                                                            19.

       

13     CONTINUED: (2)                                            13

       

                                JOE

                    What scared you?

       

                                DEDE

                    A lot of things.  At the

                    moment, you scare me a little

                    bit.

       

                                JOE

                    Me?

       

                                DEDE

                    Yeah.

       

       Across the room, at another table, three guys with

       guitars, in traditional Spanish costumes, sing a happy

       Castilian song.  Dede and Joe turn and take in the

       singers.

       

                                JOE

                    Why would I scare you?

       

                                DEDE

                    I don't know.  There's

                    something going on with you.

                    This morning you were like a

                    lump and now you're... How do

                    you feel?

       

                                JOE

                    I feel great.

       

                                DEDE

                    See?  You never feel great.

       

                                JOE

                    No, I never do.

       

       He laughs.

       

                                DEDE

                    What's funny?

       

                                JOE

                    I do feel great.  And that is

                    very funny!

       

                                DEDE

                    Where are you?

       

                                JOE

                    I'm right here.

       

                                DEDE

                    I wish I was where you are,

                    Joe.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89               19A.

       

13     CONTINUED:  (3)                                           13

       

                                JOE

                           (nodding)

                    No, you don't.  Did I ever

                    tell you that the first time I

                    saw you, I felt I'd seen you

                    before?

       

       She shakes her head.

       

       

                                JOE

                    Wait a minute.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89                20.

       

13     CONTINUED:  (4)                                           13

       

       Joe gets up, goes over to the three guys with guitars,

       slips them a fin, confers briefly, and returns to the

       table.

       

                                DEDE

                    What'd you do?

       

                                JOE

                    I bribed them to sing a song

                    that would drive us insane and

                    make our hearts swell and

                    burst.

       

       Whereupon the three guys with guitars arrive at the table

       and launch into an extremely passionate Castilian love

       song.  The song makes conversation impossible.  Joe pours

       Dede some more red wine.  They toast, looking into each

       other's eyes.  The scene ends, but the SONG CONTINUES

       through the following.

       

       

14     EXT. SPANISH ROSE - NIGHT                                 14

       

       Against a slightly tilting lamp post leans a sailor in

       uniform.  Joe and Dede emerge from the restaurant and get

       in his beat-up car.  The car pulls away.  The SONG

       CONTINUES through the following.

       

       

15     EXT. STATEN ISLAND FERRY - JOE'S CAR                      15

       

       The ferry pulls away from the shore.  Joe and Dede go to

       the railing and look back at Manhattan, all lit up,

       receding.  They kiss and look again.  The song continues

       through next.

       

       

16     EXT. STATEN ISLAND - THREE FAMILY HOUSE - NIGHT           16

       

       Joe's car pulls to a stop in front of it, and he and Dede

       get out.  There are some steps.  He kisses her and

       carries her up the steps.  Then he puts her down to open

       the door.  The SONG ENDS.

       

       

17     INT. JOE'S APARTMENT - FOYER - NIGHT                      17

       

       Joe throws open the door with one hand.  He's got Dede on

       his arm.  They kiss passionately.  Joe reluctantly ends

       the kiss.

       

                                JOE

                    Listen.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 1/15/89                21.

       

17     CONTINUED:                                                17

       

                                DEDE

                    What happened to you?

       

                                JOE

                    Huh?

       

                                DEDE

                    What happened to you that

                    you're ... so alive?  I can

                    see it.

       

                                JOE

                    The doctor told me I've got

                    this thing wrong with my

                    brain.  It's not catching.

                    But I've just got five or six

                    months to live.

       

                                DEDE

                    What?

       

                                JOE

                    I'm gonna die.  And it's made

                    me. very appreciative of my

                    life.

       

       Dede shrinks from him, clutching her coat, suddenly cold.

       

                                DEDE

                    I've gotta go.

       

                                JOE

                    Please don't.

       

       He reaches for her.  She steps back.

       

                                DEDE

                    I've gotta go home.  You

                    may've quit, but I got the job

                    in the morning.

       

                                JOE

                    Dede, I really want you to

                    stay.

       

                                DEDE

                    You're gonna die?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah, but so what?  Stay!

                    Just tonight.  Tomorrow'll

                    take care of itself.

       

       She hesitates on the brink of staying, lifts her hands to

       say yes, but her courage fails her.

       

                                DEDE

                    I can't handle it, Joe.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89               21A.

       

17     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           17

       

       She drops her hands, grabs the doorknob, and opens the

       door.

       

                                DEDE

                    Sorry.

       

                                

       She quickly goes, slamming the door after her.  Joe looks

       after her blankly.  Then he takes off his coat, tie and

       jacket, and throws them on the floor.  He walks off down

       the hall.

       

       

18     INT. JOE'S KITCHEN - PREDAWN                              18

       

       Joe is making some real coffee.  He's changed into

       bathrobe.  He's got a little lamp on, not the overhead

       light.  He opens the refrigerator and takes out a loaf of

       white bread.  He puts a couple of slices in the toaster.

       Then he looks at his little tin dining table and at

       window.  The window is so dirty it's opaque.  You'd like

       to open it to see out.  He pulls the table over to

       window.  Then he pulls a chair over to face the window.

       The window looks out on a long little street.  At the end

       of the street is a brightness, where the sun will be.  He

       brings his coffee to the table, and a napkin, and a a

       spoon. He hears the TOAST POP.  He gets it, puts it on a

       plate, butters it, and brings it to the table.  He sits

       down. He takes a sip of coffee and a bite of toast.  He

       1ooks out the window.  The sun is just starting to come

       up. He looks at the coffee, at the little whiff of steam

       rising from the cracked cup.  The crack's in the shape of

       ACHI logo.  He looks at the toast with one bite missing

       and the butter melting into the golden bread.  He 1ooks

       at the sun's splendid red rim.  These things are so

       beautiful.  His eyes well up.  He takes another bite of

       the toast and another sip of the coffee and looks at the

       rising sun.  It's so great that he's here to experience

       these things, and so sad that he's leaving.  He goes back

       to the refrigerator and takes out the loaf of bread. He

       puts a couple of more slices in the toaster and the

       almost full loaf of bread next to the almost full pot of

       coffee.

       

       

19     INT. JOE'S KITCHEN - MORNING (COUPLE OF HOURS LATER)           19

       

       The loaf of bread is almost gone and the pot of coffee is

       empty.  Now we PULL BACK and see Joe sitting by the

       window with his feet up, some crusts of toast lying on

       the plate next to him.  The sun has risen a goodly bit,

       and can no longer be seen by us.  But Joe is dappled with

       sunlight.  He is no longer in the thrall of a big

       emotion, but he is extremely deep in the thought.  The

       DOORBELL RINGS.  Joe doesn't move.  It RINGS AGAIN.  Did

       he hear the doorbell?  It RINGS AGAIN.  He is now

       satisfied the doorbell is ringing.  He gets up and out

       into the foyer.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                22.

       

20     INT. JOE'S FOYER - DAY                                    20

       

       The DOORBELL starts to RING AGAIN as Joe opens the door.

       In the hallway is a powerful, glittering-eyed old man of

       seventy, MR. GRAYNAMORE.  He's wearing a long, black

       cashmere overcoat, a dramatic but not silly black fedora,

       and cowboy boots.  He carries a vacuum-sealed can of

       Planter's Peanuts in his pocket.  He's got a cane with a

       duck's head.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Joe Banks?  Mr. Joe Banks?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Have I come at a bad time?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.  No.  I don't know how

                    to answer that question.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Can I come in? Can we talk?

       

       Joe throwing the door open.  He's in his bathrobe.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    You're not dressed?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Doesn't bother me if it

                    doesn't bother you.

       

       Graynamore strides past Joe into Joe's living room.  Joe

       looks after, in a bit of a daze.  Then he follows.

       

       

21     INT. JOE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY                              21

       

       It's modest, to say the least.  It's messy and cheaply

       furnished.  An enormous crack runs up the wall and across

       the ceiling.  Graynamore takes the room in.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Not a nice place you have

                    here, Joe.  Mind if I call you

                    Joe?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

       Graynamore smacks a hole in the wall with his cane.

                                                                 

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                23.

       

21     CONTINUED:  (Al)                                          21

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Dingy, shabby, dinky, not

                    much.

       

       He rips off his coat with gusto and tosses it away.  He

       sings a little of "Someone's in the Kitchen With Dinah."

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89                24.

       

21     CONTINUED:                                         21

       

       He's a rich man, from out West, and that's what his

       clothes look like.  He seems to be enjoying himself very

       much.  He sticks out his hand to Joe.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    I see it as a sign of

                    tremendous sophistication that

                    you haven't demanded my name

                    or asked me what I'm doing

                    here.  My name is Samuel

                    Harvey Graynamore.

       

       They shake hands.

       

                                JOE

                    Joe Banks.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    I know.

                           (stares into Joe's

                           face)

                    I'm trying to see the hero in

                    there.

                    

                                JOE

                    What do you mean?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    You dragged two kids down a

                    six-story burning staircase.

                    That was brave.  But then you

                    went back up for the third.

                    That was heroic.  Com'on,

                    you're a hero.

       

                                JOE

                    That was a long time ago.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Yes, it was.

       

       Graynamore opens the nuts and dumps them on the table.

       

                                JOE

                    How do you know my name?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    I know all about you.  As much

                    as I could learn in twenty-

                    four hours, anyway.  Peanuts?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89               24A.

       

21     CONTINUED:  (1A)                                          21

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Quit your job, huh?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Well, sounded like a dumb job.

                    No family?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 25.

       

21     CONTINUED: (2)                                            21

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Good for you.  Families are a

                    pain in the neck. What do you

                    know about superconductors ?

       

                                JOE

                    Nothing.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Me neither.  But I own a huge

                    company that dominates the

                    world market for

                    superconductors.

       

                                JOE

                    Really.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Yes.  Sit down.

       

       Graynamore sits down, suddenly grounded and serious.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    I got a call from Dr. Ellison.

                    You were at his office

                    yesterday?

       

       Joe nods.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    He told me your news.  I hope

                    you won't be angry with him.

                    He thought you and I might be

                    able to help each other.  Got

                    any whiskey?

       

       Joe shakes his head.  Graynamore produces a pipe.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    I want to hire you, Joe Banks.

                    I want you...

       

       Graynamore strikes an enormous match and lights up.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    to jump into a volcano.

       

       Joe jumps up.

       

                                JOE

                    I do have some whiskey.

       

       Joe pulls a bottle of cheap scotch out of a cabinet,

       along with two glasses.  He pours them both a drink and

       sits down.  Graynamore downs his whiskey which makes his

       eyes glitter all the more.  He leans forward and speaks

       with great intensity.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 26.

       

21     CONTINUED:  (3)                                           21

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    There's an island in the South

                    Pacific called Waponi Woo. The

                    name means 'The Little Island

                    With the Big Volcano.' The

                    Waponis are a cheerful people

                    who live a simple existence

                    fishing in the lagoon and

                    picking fruit.  They have one

                    fear.  That's a big volcano,

                    they call it The Big Woo. They

                    believe an angry fire god in

                    the volcano will sink the

                    island unless, once every

                    hundred years, he is appeased.

                    It's been ninety-nine years,

                    eleven months, and eleven days

                    since the fire god got his

                    propers and the Waponis are

                    scared.

       

                                JOE

                    How's the god appeased?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Of his own free will, a man's

                    got to jump into the volcano.

                    Now as you might imagine, none

                    of the Waponis are anxious to

                    volunteer for the honor of

                    jumping into the Big Woo.  And

                    the problem is that whoever

                    does it gotta do it of his own

                    free will so what do you do?

       

                                JOE

                    What do you do?

       

       Graynamore gets up and starts to move around the room.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    You do some tradin'.  There's

                    a mineral on that island, Mr.

                    Banks. It's called bubureau.

                    I don't know anywhere else on

                    the planet where you can find

                    more than a gram of this

                    stuff, and believe me I've

                    looked.  Because without

                    bubureau I can't make my

                    superconductors.  I've tried

                    to get the mineral rights from

                    the Waponis, but I don't seem

                    to have anything they want.

                    But they do want a hero, Mr.

                    Banks.  And they'll give me

                    the mineral rights if I find

                    them one.

       

                                JOE

                    Why would I jump into a

                    volcano?

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 27.

       

21     CONTINUED:  (4)                                           21

       

       Graynamore moves behind Joe.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    From your exploits in the Fire

                    Department, I think you've got

                    the courage.

       

                                JOE

                    You do?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Does it take more guts to

                    twice traverse a staircase in

                    flames, or to make a onetime

                    leap into the mouth of a

                    smoking volcano? Damned if I

                    know, kimosabe.  All I know is

                    when you're making those kind

                    of calls, you're up in the

                    high country. From your

                    doctor, you know you're on

                    your way out anyway.  You

                    haven't got any money.  I

                    checked.

                           (grabs Joe by the

                           shoulders)

                    Do you want to wait it out

                    here, in this apartment?  That

                    sounds kind a grim to me.

                    It's not how I'd wanna go,

                    I'll tell you that.

       

       Graynamore lets go of his shoulders.  He takes out his

       wallet and lays out four credit cards on the stereo

       console:  Diner's Club, Gold Visa, Gold Master, and Gold

       American Express.  The cards have Joseph Banks printed on

       them.  Joe looks at the cards.  We hear Graynamore's

       voice as we look at the cards.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE (O.S.)

                    These are yours if you take

                    the job.  It'd be twenty days

                    from today before you'd have

                    to actually jump in the Big

                    Woo.  You could shop today,

                    get yourself some clothes, you

                    know, for an adventure.  Then

                    tomorrow a plane to L.A. first

                    class, naturally. You'll be

                    met.  Stay in the best hotel.

                    Then the next day, you board a

                    yacht.  My competitors

                    sometimes watch the airports.

                    The yacht's a real beauty.

                           (produces wallet photo

                           of the yacht)

                    It belongs to me.  Gourmet

                    chef.

                             (MORE)

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                ### - continued & page number

       missing

                                GRAYNAMORE (O.S.) (CONT'D)

                       You sail to the South Pacific.

                       Then, fifteen days. The Waponis

                       come out to meet you, a total

                       red carpet situation, you're a

                       national hero. You're Charles

                       Lindbergh. It's wine, women and

                       song in the sweetest little

                       paradise you ever saw. Then you

                       jump in the volcano. Live like a

                       king, die like a man, that's what

                       I say. What do you say?

       

                       (picks up the credit cards and looks

                       ###ks at Graynamore.

       

                                JOE

                       Alright. I'll do it.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                       Here's my card and your plane

                       ticket. American, noon out of

                       Kennedy tomorrow.

       

                       (picks up his coat and hat and 

                       heads for door)

       

                                JOE

                       Mr. Graynamore?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                       Yes?

       

                                JOE

                       What if I use the cards and take

                       the plane and go on the yacht and

                       party on the island and then I

                       change  my mind and I don't jump in

                       the volcano?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                       Why then I'd kill you in a very

                       slow and painful way.  But you'll

                       jump.

       

                       (laughs in a warm and wonderful way, 

                       goes to door, opens it, and leaves.)  

                       

                       Joe stands there,

                       ###er him for a moment, and then 

                       pulls out the

                       ###s.  He flips through, finds what 

                       he wants, and      

                       ### number.

       

                                JOE

                 Hi, I'd like to rent a limousine

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89              A28A.

       

21     CONTINUED:  (6)                                           21

       

                                JOE (CONT'D)

                    Thank you?  Yes, I do.

                    American Express.  The Gold

                    Card.  Can I have a white

                    limousine?

       

       Joe smiles, looking at the card in his hand.

       

       

22     EXT. WHITE LIMOUSINE IN LOWER MANHATTAN - DAY             22

       

       The car has just emerged from Staten Island Ferry

       traffic.  We see the friendly face on the front grill of

       the limousine.  It is a slightly overcast day.

       

       

23     INT. LIMOUSINE - DAY                                      23

       

       Joe is sitting in the back, idly plucking his ukulele,

       looking out the windows, stretching his legs. Driver is a

       middle-aged black man; his name is MARSHALL.  He's

       wearing a jacket and tie and sunglasses. He seems

       reserved and efficient

       

                                MARSHALL

                    So where would you like to go?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - -Rev. 3/23/89              28A.



23     CONTINUED:  (A1)                                          23

       

                                JOE

                    Excuse me?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                            29.

       

23     CONTINUED:                                                23

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Where would you like to go,

                    sir?

       

       Joe thinks for a moment.

       

                                JOE

                    I thought I might like to do

                    some shopping.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Okay.  Where would you like to

                    go shopping?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't know.

       

       Marshall is disgruntled, but hides it behind his reserve.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Alright.

       

                                JOE

                    Where would you go shopping?

                                

                                MARSHALL

                    For what?  What do you need?

       

                                JOE

                    Clothes.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    What kind of clothes?  What is

                    your taste?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't exactly know.

       

       Marshall pulls the car over and stops.

       

                                JOE

                    Why'd you stop?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    I'm just hired to drive the

                    car, mister.  I'm not here to

                    tell you who you are.

       

                                JOE

                    I didn't ask you to tell me

                    who I am.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                30.

       

23     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           23

       

                                MARSHALL

                    You were hinting around about

                    clothes.  It happens that

                    clothes are very important to

                    me, Mister..

       

                                JOE

                    Banks.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Banks.  Clothes make the man.

                    I believe that.  You say to me

                    you wanna go shopping, you

                    wanna buy clothes, but you

                    don't know what kind.  You

                    leave that hanging in the air,

                    like I'm going to fill in the

                    blank, that to me is like

                    asking me who you are, and I

                    don't know who you are, I

                    don't wanna know.  It's taken

                    me my whole life to find out

                    who I am and I'm tired now,

                    you hear what I'm say in'?

                    What's your name?

       

                                JOE

                    Joe.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    My name's Marshall, how you

                    do?

       

       They shake hands quite seriously.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Wait a minute.  I'm coming

                    back.

       

       Marshall gets out of the driver's seat, goes back and

       gets in next to Joe.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Now what's your situation?

                    Explain your situation to me?

       

                                JOE

                    I'm going away on a long trip.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Okay.

       

                                JOE

                    I've got the opportunity to

                    buy some clothes today.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Yes.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                31.

       

23     CONTINUED:  (3)                                           23

       

                                JOE

                    Money's no object.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Good.  Where you going?

       

                                JOE

                    Well.  I'm going out tonight

                    in the city.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Nice places?

       

                                JOE

                    I hope so.  Then tomorrow I'm

                    flying to L.A.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    First class?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.

                    

                                MARSHALL

                    Good.

                                

       

                                JOE

                    Then I'm getting on a yacht

                    and sailing to the South

                    Pacific.

       

                    MARSHALL Hawaii?

       

                                JOE

                    No.  A really unknown little

                    island.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    No tourists?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't think so.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Good.

       

                                JOE

                    Then I'll be on the island for

                    a couple of weeks, then that's

                    it.

                                

                                MARSHALL

                    And what do you got in the way

                    of clothes now?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/7/89                 32.

       

23     CONTINUED:  (4)                                           23

       

                                JOE

                    Well, I've got the kind of

                    clothes I'm wearin'.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    So you've got no clothes.

                    We'll start with basics.

                    We'll start with underwear.

                    We'll start with Dunhill.

       

       Marshall gets out of the car and heads back for the

       driver's seat.

       

       He thinks.  Marshall puts the car in gear and pulls away

       from the curb.

       

       

24     EXT. DUNHILL - DAY                                        24

       

       The white limo pulls up. Two dog bars bracket the

       entrance to Dunhill with two big matching dogs, probably

       great Danes, drinking at each of the dog bars.  The dogs

       are held on leashes by a man in a business suit and a

       woman in a pretty coat.

       

       

25     INT. WHITE LIMO - DAY                                     25

       

       Joe's getting ready to get out.

       

                                JOE

                    So just socks and underwear?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Conservative underwear is the

                    only way to go.  White cotton

                    broadcloth boxers.  Silk

                    shorts make you feel like a

                    whore, so none of that.  But

                    with the tee shirts, Egyptian

                    cotton, all right?

       

       

                                JOE

                    Alright.

       

       Joe gets out of the car and goes in.

       

       

26     INT. DUNHILL - UNDERWEAR COUNTER - DAY                    26

       

       A conservative UNDERGARMENT SALESMAN is helping Joe.

       

                                UNDERGARMENT SALESMAN

                    How many pairs of boxer shorts

                    would you like, sir?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/7/89                 33.

       

26     CONTINUED:                                                26

       

                                JOE

                    How many does a man need?

       

       The Salesman pauses, thinks and replies.

       

                                UNDERGARMENT

                    SALESMAN Eight pairs.

       

       

27     EXT. DUNHILL - DAY                                        27

       

       Marshall's leaning against the limo, reading a copy of

       The Scientific American.

       

       A WOMAN appears dressed as the Statue of Liberty.  She

       looks at Marshall.  He returns the glance.  She has a tin

       can in her hand.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    What?

       

                                STATUE (WOMAN)

                    How about a dollar for the way

                    I look?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Shoot.  How 'bout a dollar for

                    the way I look?

       

       He gives her a dollar.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Yeah.

       

       She exits.  Joe comes out of the store with a shopping

       bag.  Marshall opens the door for him.

       

                                JOE

                    They've got a changing room.

                    I'm wearing the underwear.

                    

                                MARSHALL

                    I knew that. I could see it on

                    your face.

       

       

28     INT. LIMO - STILL AT CURB BY BROOKS - DAY                 28

       

                                MARSHALL

                    What else you need?

       

                                JOE

                    Ah, well, some kind of

                    overcoat. I don't know, maybe

                    like a English trench coat.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/7/89                 34.

       

28     CONTINUED:                                                28

       

                                MARSHALL

                    English trench coat?  That's

                    foul weather wear, man.

                    You're goin' west!

       

                                JOE

                    What would you get?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    You're a sexual man?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Not that I mean to be crude,

                    but I'm trying to express

                    something.  Armani.  That's

                    what you want.  And how 'bout

                    a haircut?

       

                                JOE

                    What's wrong with my hair?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    I can't express it.  It looks

                    like freedom without choice.

                    It looks wrong.

       

       While he's talking, he has picked up the car phone and

       punched some numbers.  He speaks into the phone.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Salon Salon, please.

       

       He breaks the connection and dials again.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Hi, gimme Cassie Cimorelli,

                    please. Hello, Cassie?  It's

                    Marshall, how you?  Good.

                    Listen, I got somebody who

                    needs you today, can you help

                    me out?  2:30?  Great, good,

                    thanks.

       

       He hangs up.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    We gotta get moving.

       

       He puts the car in gear and pulls away.

       

       

29     EXT. GIORGIO ARMANI'S - DAY                               29

       

       The white limo pulls up.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                35.

       

30     INT. LIMO - DAY                                           30

       

                                JOE

                    So what do I ask for?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    This is too complicated.  I

                    gotta come in with you.  If I

                    getta ticket it can't be

                    helped.

       

       

31     EXT. LIMO OUTSIDE ARMANI'S - DAY                          31

       

       Joe and Marshall get out and go in.

       

       

32     INT. ARMANI'S - DAY                                       32

       

       Joe is standing on a fitting stool in a beautiful suit.

       He's being ministered to by an ITALIAN TAILOR, as

       Marshall supervises.  Marshall murmurs to the Tailor.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    I still think the full break

                    over the shoe is the way to

                    go.

       

                                TAILOR

                    No more than half this year, I

                    swear to you.

                           (to Joe)

                    You can take it off now, sir.

       

       Points the way to Joe and walks off.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Hey, Joe, how about a tux?

       

                                JOE

                    What for?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Something'll come up.  There's

                    nothing a man looks better in.

       

                                JOE

                    I'll get one if you get one.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    I can't be buying no Armani

                    tux. I'm a working man.

       

                                JOE

                    You're getting paid to drive

                    the car.  Nobody's paying you

                    to give me all this advice.

                    Let me buy you the tux and

                    we'll call it even.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/7/89                35A.

       

32     CONTINUED:                                                32

       

       Marshall thinks it over.

       

       

33     INT. ARMANI'S - TEN MINUTES LATER - DAY                   33

       

       Marshall is standing on the fitting stool in an Armani

       tuxedo. The Tailor is doing his cuffs.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Gimme the full break over the

                    shoe, Pietro.  It's my

                    preference.

       

                                TAILOR

                    Whatever's your pleasure, sir.

       

       

34     EXT. ARMANI AT CURB - JOE AND MARSHALL - DAY              34

       

       emerge.  Marshall opens the door to the limo for Joe and

       urges him to speed it up.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Come on, kid!  We're on a

                    roll!

                           (as he walks around to

                           the driver's side)

                    Didn't even get a ticket.

       

       Marshall gets in, starts it up, and pulls away.

       

       

35     EXT. HORN OF AFRICA - LIMO OUTSIDE - DAY                  35

       

       Two Tiki heads bracket either side of the entrance.

       

       

36     INT. THE HORN OF AFRICA - DAY                             36

       

       Joe is trying on a safari jacket.  Two salesmen stand by.

       Joe nods.  Now one of the salesmen puts a particularly

       dashing safari hat on Joe.  He looks in a mirror.  He

       really, really likes it.

       

       

37     INT. SALON SALON - DAY                                    37

       

       It's a large, bustling beauty center in midtown.  There

       must be fifteen hairdressers spread out over a spacious,

       well-windowed area.  It's a festive place with glossy

       magazines and coffee and water running and blow dryers

       going.  Happy BRAZILIAN MUSIC is playing on the sound

       system.  Now we zero in on Cassie's corner.  CASSIE is in

       her thirties, with a short fetching up-to-the-minute

       haircut.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/7/89                 36.

       

37     CONTINUED:                                                37

       

       She's also got a terrific personality; she's the salt of

       the earth.  And she's cutting Joe's hair.  Marshall sits

       on a nearby chair.  He's reading B, a trendy magazine.

       

                                JOE

                    How you making me look?

       

                                CASSIE

                    I'm undoing this cut from

                    before. This is some piece of

                    geography. Where'd you get

                    this?

       

                                JOE

                    In one of those subway barber

                    shops.

       

                                CASSIE

                    It has that reality.  Grim.

                    You're a very handsome guy,

                    I'm just gonna bring that out.

                    Marshall, which one is that?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    It's the in and out issue.

       

                                CASSIE

                    That's the best!  What's in?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Carrie Fisher, Barcelona,

                    African-Americans, happy

                    endings, The New York Dally

                    News, tomato salads, God,

                    garlic, wristwatches you have

                    to wind up, and true love.

       

                                CASSIE

                    Did you say Carrie Fisher?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    You don't like Carrie Fisher?

       

                                CASSIE

                    I love Carrie Fisher!  I can't

                    believe it!  So intelligent!

                    So dry!  That's a totally

                    great list. What's out?  Read

                    it slow.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Kafka, C.D.'s.

       

                                CASSIE

                    That's true.  I've had it with

                    Kafka.  Those little eyes...so

                    full of misery.

                    

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/7/89                 37.

       

37     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           37

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Stand-up comedy...

       

                                CASSIE

                    Stand-up comedy makes me

                    nervous.

                                

                                MARSHALL

                    All restaurants that haven't

                    been in existence for at least

                    thirty years.

       

                                CASSIE

                    Yes.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Paloma Picasso.

       

                                CASSIE

                    No, I don't agree with that.

                    I love Paloma Picasso.  Those

                    lips! So red, so big!

       

                                MARSHALL

                    New money and old money.

       

                                CASSIE

                    Okay.

                                

                                MARSHALL

                    All camp, all trash, all

                    trivia...

                                

                                CASSIE

                    Oh com'on, take a risk.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    And The New York Times.

       

                                CASSIE

                    Finally somebody said it!

                    What rag!

       

       Cassie finishes cutting Joe's hair.  It's a great cut.

       

                                CASSIE

                    Very gratifying.  Thank you,

                    Marshall.  Well, here you are.

       

                                JOE

                    I look good.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    You're coming into focus, kid!

                    I can see you now.

       

       Marshall nods approval.  Cassie and Joe exchange a smile.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/7/89                37A.

       

38     OMITTED                                                   38

       

       

39     EXT. HAMMACHER SCHLEMMER - DAY                            39

       

       The limo pulls up.  Joe goes in. Marshall stays in the

       car.

       

       

40     INT. HAMMACHER SCHLEMMER - DAY                            40

       

       ANGLE ON the indoor golfing practice green.  Joe putts a

       golf ball into the hole.

       

                                JOE

                    I'll take it.

       

                                SALESWOMAN

                    Yes, sir.

       

       Joe walks OUT OF FRAME. CLOSEUP PAN ACROSS the glass

       counter top of a Swiss army knife, a world band travel

       radio, shaving kit, lantern and a violin case that

       doubles as a bar; until we COME TO a large light colored

       umbrella which is pointed AT us.  The umbrella closes,

       revealing Joe.

       

                                JOE

                    I'll take this, too.

       

                                HAMMACHER SCHLEMMER SALESMAN

                    Will that be all?

       

       Joe walks away.

       

                                                      CUT TO:

40A    PICTURE CUT-OUT                                          40A

       

       of a woman demonstrating the walk on water shoes.  Joe

       approaches.  The SALESWOMAN appears as well.  Joe is

       really looking at the shoes.

       

                                SALESWOMAN

                    Does that interest your

       

                                JOE

                    You mean you can walk on

                    water?

       

                                SALESWOMAN

                    With a little help.  Yes.

       

                                JOE

                    I'll take a pair.

       

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/7/89                37B.

       

40A    CONTINUED:                                               40A

       

                                SALESWOMAN

                    Alright.  Very good, sir.

                    Thank you.

       

                                JOE

                    Thank YOU.

       

       

41     INT. WHITE LIMO IN FRONT OF ARMANI - DAY                  41

       

       Two uniformed attendants from Armani are handing the last

       of the boxes to Joe, who's now sitting in front with

       Marshall.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89                38.

       

41     CONTINUED:                                                41

       

       The back of the car is completely loaded with stuff.  The

       attendants head back to the entrance where they stand at

       parade rest on either side of the door.  Joe calls after.

       

                                JOE

                    Thanks!

       

       Marshall pulls away from the curb.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    You know what you need?

       

                                JOE

                    What else could I need?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    How you gonna carry this

                    stuff? You need luggage!

       

                                JOE

                    I didn't think of that.

       

       

42     INT. SMALL EXCLUSIVE LUGGAGE STORE (J. RUSS) - DAY        42

       

       It's as quiet as a church.  A few pieces of extremely

       high quality leather luggage are on display.  The

       SALESMAN, a small neat man in a quiet suit, is the

       store's representative.  He's talking with Joe.  He's a

       very serious, understated man.

       

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    Have you thought much about

                    luggage, Mr. Banks?

       

                                JOE

                    No, I never really have.

       

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    It's the central preoccupation

                    of my life.  You travel the

                    world, you're away from home,

                    perhaps away from your family,

                    all you have to depend on is

                    yourself and your luggage.

       

                                JOE

                    I guess that's true.

       

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    Are you traveling light or heavy?

       

                                JOE

                    Heavy.

                                                                 

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                39.

       

42     CONTINUED:                                                42

       

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    Flying?

       

                                JOE

                    Flying.  And by ship.

       

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    An ocean voyage?

       

                                JOE

                    Yes.

       

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    Ah.  Yes.  So.  A real

                    journey.

       

                                JOE

                    And then I'll be staying on

                    this island, I don't even

                    really know if I'll be living

                    in a hut or what.

       

                                LUGGAGE

                    SALESMAN Very exciting.

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.

       

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    As a luggage problem.  I

                    believe I have just the thing.

       

       The Luggage Salesman rolls out an absolutely gorgeous

       steamer trunk of dark, wine-colored leather and brass

       fittings.

       

                                JOE

                    Wow.

       

       The Luggage Salesman opens it. It has hangers, drawers, a

       mirror, the works.

       

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    This is our premier steamer

                    trunk.  All handmade, only the

                    finest materials.  It's even

                    water-tight, tight as a drum.

                    If I had the need and the

                    wherewithal, Mr. Banks, this

                    would be my trunk of choice. I

                    could face the world with a

                    trunk like this by my side.

       

       Joe is moved.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 40.

       

42     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           42

       

                                JOE

                    I'll take four of them.

       

       This is the classiest thing the Luggage Salesman's ever

       heard.

                    

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    May you live to be a thousand

                    years old, sir.

       

       Not normally a demonstrative man, he slowly raises hand,

       offering it to Joe.  Joe takes it and they shake.

       

       

43     EXT. STREET OUTSIDE LUGGAGE STORE - DAY                   43

       

       Marshall and Joe have just finished securing the four

       trunks to the top of the white limo.  They get in the

       car.

       

       

44     INT. LIMO - DAY                                           44

       

       Marshall starts it up.

       

                                JOE

                    I'm through shopping.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Fair enough.  Where to? Back

                    to Staten Island?

                    

                                JOE

                    Yeah, I guess so.  No.  A

                    really good hotel.  The Plaza?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    The Plaza's nice.

       

                                JOE

                    Where would you go?

       

                                MARSHALL

                           (lighting up)

                    The Pierre!

                    

                    

45     EXT. THE PIERRE HOTEL - DUSK                              45

       

       Seven bellboys and girls are unloading the white limo and

       carrying its contents into the hotel.  They wear classic

       bellboy uniforms and caps.  Marshall and Joe are

       watching.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                41.

       

45     CONTINUED:                                                45

       

                                JOE

                    Marshall?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Yeah?

       

                                JOE

                    I wonder if you'd want to have

                    dinner with me tonight?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Can't do it.  I got my wife

                    and kids at the end of the

                    day, you know?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.

       

       The HEAD BELLMAN informs Joe.

       

                                HEAD BELLMAN

                    Everything's at check-in when

                    you're ready, sir.

       

       The Bellman departs within.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Listen, ain't you got nobody?

       

                                JOE

                    No.  But there are certain

                    times in your life when I

                    guess you're not supposed to

                    have anybody, you know?  There

                    are certain doors you have to

                    go through alone.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    You're gonna be Alright.

       

       Joe shrugs.  He and Marshall shake hands.  They look at

       each other.  We see Marshall get in the limo and pull

       away.  We see Joe look after him, then turn and go into

       the hotel.

       

       MUSIC:

       

       A instrumental jazz version of "Do You Know The Way To

       San Jose" plays through the following scenes.

       

       

46     INT. SUITE IN THE PIERRE HOTEL - NIGHT                    46

       

       Joe has one of his trunks open.  He's hanging his tuxedo

       up in it.  He's been taking stuff out of boxes and

       packing it into the trunks.  He opens another box and

       takes out his new suit.  The MUSIC CONTINUES through the

       next.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 42.

       

47     INT. MAIN RESTAURANT IN THE PIERRE HOTEL - NIGHT          47

       

       This is an incredibly beautiful, quiet restaurant.  Joe's

       discovered, sitting alone at a table. The Pierre waiter

       is just walking away.  Joe's sipping a glass of wine, his

       entree before him.  The MUSIC CONTINUES through next.

       

       

48     EXT. CENTRAL PARK SOUTH - JOE - NIGHT                     48

       

       Walking along.  As he approaches The Plaza, two cabs pull

       up and eight theatregoers from out of town disembark.

       They are all middle-aged, wearing their best clothes,

       having a good time.  They cross in front of Joe on their

       way into the hotel.  He watches them go by and disappear.

       It makes him smile and it makes him feel alone.  He goes

       on.  The MUSIC CONTINUES through next.

       

       

49     EXT. DEPARTMENT STORE WINDOW - NIGHT                      49

       

       Joe walks by and stops, struck by the contents of the win

       dow.  It's a female dummy, dressed as Patricia will be on

       the yacht.  Behind the dummy is a photo mural of the

       yacht.

       

       

50     INT. TUESDAY'S (JAZZ BAR) - NIGHT                         50

       

       We've arrived at the place where the music is coming

       from.  Joe sits at a little table listening to a good

       jazz quartet.  They are a pasty-faced English quartet.

       Everyone in the club is black except Joe, the bartender

       and the band, which is playing "Do You Know The Way to

       San Jose."  Everyone is drinking martinis.  They form a

       straight line down the bar each with a giant green olive

       in it.  Joe finishes a martini and waves for the check.

       The MUSIC CONTINUES through the next.

       

       

51     EXT. FIFTH AVENUE - 30 FEET FROM THE PIERRE - NIGHT            51

       

       Joe, weaving ever so slightly, walks up the street and

       approaches the hotel.  The MUSIC CONCLUDES.

       

       

52     INT. THE PIERRE HOTEL - JOE'S SUITE - NIGHT               52

       

       The lights are out.  Joe's in bed, staring at the

       ceiling.  We look DOWN on him.  It's very, very silent.

       Finally, he closes his eyes and turns his head.

       

       

53     EXT. AMERICAN AIRLINE IN FLIGHT - DAY                     53

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89               42A.

       

54     INT. AMERICAN FLIGHT - FIRST CLASS CABIN - DAY            54

       

       In the flight to L.A.  Joe is sitting on the aisle.  Next

       to him is a grey-haired, wholesome priest named FATHER

       CONROY.  The clergyman is most way through a drink,

       wrapped up in his own thoughts.  Joe is deeply aware that

       he's sitting next to a priest; he's uneasy, shifting in

       his chair.  The STEWARDESS notices Joe and approaches.

       

                                STEWARDESS

                    Can I get you anything, sir?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 1/15/89                43.

       

54     CONTINUED:                                                54

       

                                JOE

                    No, thank you.  No, I changed

                    my mind.  Some club soda,

                    please.

       

                                STEWARDESS

                    Alright.

       

       Father Conroy catches her eye and slightly raises his

       almost empty drink.

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    I think I'll have one more.

       

                                STEWARDESS

                    Alright.

       

       The Stewardess heads off, down the aisle.  Joe catches

       the priest's eye.

       

                                JOE

                    Have you ever been to

                    California before?

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    Oh, many times.

       

                                JOE

                    I've never been anywhere.

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    I was a chaplain there, years

                    ago.  For the Marines.  Camp

                    Pendleton.

       

                                JOE

                    I don't believe in God

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    Okay.

       

                                JOE

                    I did when I was a kid, but I

                    lost my faith in high school.

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    Uh-huh.

       

                                JOE

                    And then, when I was in danger

                    - I was a fireman - in the

                    middle of the fire, I never

                    like turned around and fell to

                    my knees and started praying.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                            44.

       

54     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           54

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    No?

       

                                JOE

                    No.  There are atheists in

                    foxholes.

       

                                FATHER CONVOY

                    I'm sure there are.

       

                                JOE

                    But I've come to a place in my

                    life where I've come face to

                    face with the facts of life

                    and death. I mean, it's a

                    chance happening I'm alive,

                    it's a miracle, I'm so lucky!

                    And it's not going to last.

                    It's like a shooting star. So

                    beautiful, so fleeting, make a

                    wish before it's gone, you

                    know? I'm so moved.  But cut

                    off.  If there is a God, if

                    there is some kind of music

                    going through everything, I

                    can't hear it.  I'm alone.  I

                    really feel I'm alone. I'm

                    walking down this little path

                    by myself.

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    Yes.

       

                                JOE

                    Can you help me?

       

       The Stewardess has returned with their drinks.

       

                                STEWARDESS

                    Hi.  I have your drinks.

       

                                JOE

                    Oh, yeah.  Thank you.

       

       She serves the priest a little bottle of bourbon and a

       glass of ice.  He gives her his old glass.

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    Thank you.

       

       Joe is still focussed on Father Conroy.  The good Father

       carefully pours the little bottle of bourbon over the

       ice.  Joe is very intense.

       

                                JOE

                    Can you help me?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 45.

       

54     CONTINUED:  (3)                                           54

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    Do you see an analyst of some

                    kind?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't need an analyst.

                    That's not the kind of problem

                    I have.

       

       Inspirational light shines through the cabin window.

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    If you need a guide.  If

                    you're a seeker and you need a

                    guide, someone to counsel you

                    so you can find your way

                    forward into a spiritual

                    realm.  And you're on an

                    airplane.  Don't look in first

                    class.

       

       Father Conroy raises his glass of bourbon in a little

       toast to Joe, and then takes a healthy swallow.

       

       

55     EXT. L.A. AIRPORT - RUNWAY - DAY                          55

       

       The American flight lands.

       

       

56     INT. L.A. AIRPORT TERMINAL - DAY                          56

       

       Joe and his fellow travellers are just entering the

       terminal proper.  A commercial airplane presses its nose

       inquisitively against a visible window.  It is surrounded

       by orange trees.  Joe is surrounded by blond California

       guys as he gets off the plane.  We see a homemade banner

       "Welcome to L.A. St. Dymphna's Girls Academy."  Of the

       six people waiting, five of them look like Brezhnev.  The

       sixth is ANGELICA, she is holding aloft a sign which

       reads "JOSEPH BANKS."  She looks like Dede.  Joe does a

       take, he goes to her.  Several Catholic school girls run

       by.

       

                                JOE

                    Hi.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Hi, are you Joe Banks?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.  Who are you?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    I'm the daughter of the guy

                    who hired you.  Angelica

                    Graynamore.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 46.

       

56     CONTINUED:                                                56

       

       Joe shakes her hand.

       

                                JOE

                    Nice to meet you.  Again.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    What?

       

       Joe shakes his head.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Daddy told me to tell you that

                    I don't know what he hired you

                    for, and not to tell me.  That

                    I'm totally untrustworthy.

                    I'm a flibberti-gibbet.

                    C'mon, let's get outta here.

       

                                JOE

                    I've got some luggage.

       

       

56A    OMITTED                                                  56A

&                                                                 &

57                                                               57

       

       

58     EXT. TAXI FULL OF STEAMER TRUNKS - DAY                    58

       

       The taxi is going along a highway.  We LEAVE the taxi and

       MOVE FORWARD TO a red convertible.  In the red

       convertible are Angelica at the wheel, and Joe beside

       her.  They are driving alongside the blue ocean.  Green

       palm trees wave overhead.  All is beautiful and fresh.

       

                                JOE

                    I've never been to L.A.

                    before.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    What do you think?

       

                                JOE

                    It looks fake.  I like it.

       

       

59     EXT. SHANGRI-LA HOTEL - SUNSET                            59

       

       The red convertible pulls up to the entrance and we hear

       Angelica say:

       

                                ANGELICA (O.S.)

                    Daddy wanted to put you up in

                    Bel Air, but I said no way!

                    Shangri-la, Shangri-la!

                                                                 

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                46A.

       

59     CONTINUED:  (Al)                                          59

       

       The taxi pulls up behind them.  Angelica gets out of the

       car and goes back to the cab.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                47.

       

59     CONTINUED:                                                59

       

       She gives the DRIVER money.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Thanks.  That's for you.  And

                    put everything on the curb,

                    please.

       

                                DRIVER

                    Thank you.

       

       Joe gets out of the convertible.  Two deco-porters emerge

       from the hotel with luggage carriers, and assist the

       Driver in transferring the trunks.  Angelica jumps back

       in her car and calls to Joe.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Check in, fresh up, I'll be

                    back for you at seven.  We'll

                    have dinner.

       

       Angelica drives off.  Joe looks after, then turns and

       goes into the hotel.

       

       

60     INT. CHINOIS - NIGHT                                      60

       

       Fancy "fun" restaurant.  A big platter of Dungeness crabs

       being carried through the restaurant.  It's placed on a

       table where Joe and Angelica are sitting.  There are

       already two other platters of exotic food on the table.

       Now we see the waiter and waitress, a slick blond named

       RALPH and a redheaded waitress named RITA.

       

                                RITA

                    Black bread with sour cream

                    and golden caviar.

       

                                RALPH

                    The Dungeness crabs.

       

       Joe looks at this dish with alarm. Ralph and Rita depart.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    What's the matter?

       

                                JOE

                    Nothing.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    They do look like little

                    monsters or something.

                           (picks one up and

                           attacks it)

                    But they're good little

                    monsters.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 48.

       

60     CONTINUED-                                                60

       

       Joe tentatively takes one, and small portions of the

       other dishes.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    What'd you do before you

                    signed on with Daddy?

       

                                JOE

                    I was an advertising librarian

                    for a medical supply company.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Oh.  I have no response to

                    that.

       

                                JOE

                    What do you do?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Why do you ask?

       

                                JOE

                    Uh, I don't know.

       

       Angelica produces and takes two pills.  Suddenly, she

       gets very defensive.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    I'm a painter.  And a poet.

       

                                JOE

                    Really?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Yes.  Does that bother you?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    People from New York usually

                    look down on painters.  And

                    poets.

       

                                JOE

                    I didn't know that.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    They think if you live in

                    L.A., and you say you're an

                    artist, you really do nothing!

       

                                JOE

                    Why?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    You don't think I do nothing?

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89               48A.

       

60     CONTINUED:  (1A)                                          60

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    You believe me when I say I'm

                    a painter?

       

                                JOE

                    And a poet.  Sure.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 1/15/89                49.

       

60     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           60

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Well, you're right.  There's a

                    painting of mine right there.

                                                 CUT TO:

60A    PAINTING OF CAR                                          60A

       

       in a yellow pool of light overlooking a lit-up city

       below.  And --

       

                                                 CUT BACK TO:

60B    JOE AND ANGELICA                                         60B

       

       looking.

       

                                JOE

                    It's terrific.  Where you get

                    your ideas?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    I'll show you.

       

                                                 CUT BACK TO:

60C    PAINTING                                                 60C

       

                                                 DISSOLVES INTO:

61     EXT. HILL WITH STREETLIGHT - NIGHT                        61

       

       The streetlight casts a pool of light just like in the

       painting, and the city glitters below.  When Angelica's

       car pulls into the pool of light and stops, the picture

       is complete.

       

                                JOE

                    Nice view.  It's like looking

                    down at the stars.

                                

       Angelica takes two more pills.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Do you want to hear one of my

                    poems?

       

                                JOE

                    Sure.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Long ago, the delicate tangles

                    of his hair, Covered the

                    emptiness of my hands.

                           (to Joe)

                    Do you wanna hear it again?

       

                                JOE

                    Okay.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Long ago, the delicate tangles

                    of his hair, Covered the

                    emptiness of my hands.           (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                50.

       

61     CONTINUED:                                                61

       

       She has tears in her eyes.  Joe looks at her, concerned.

       

                                JOE

                    What's the matter?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Did you ever think about

                    killing yourself?

       

                                JOE

                    What?  Why would you do that?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Why shouldn't I?

       

                                JOE

                    Some things take care of

                    themselves.  They're not your

                    job. Maybe they're not even

                    your business.  I like your

                    poem.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    I'm a grown woman and I live

                    on my father's money.  That

                    restaurant that had my

                    painting up, that's my

                    father's restaurant.

       

                                JOE

                    Why are you telling me?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    I don't know.

                           (making a joke out of

                           it)

                    I'll tell anybody who'll

                    listen.

                           (dropping it)

                    No, that's not true.  I don't

                    know why I'm telling you.

       

                                JOE

                    Listen to me.  If you have a

                    choice between killing

                    yourself and doing something

                    you're scared of doing, why

                    not take the leap and do the

                    thing you're scared of doing?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    You mean stop taking money and

                    leave L.A.?

       

                                JOE

                    Yo