Springtime blossomed on the green hills of Destination, filling the air with excitement, weird smells, and a ridiculous amount of rain. Something, indeed, had to be very wrong with the whether management in the whole magic land of Iz, not to say the whole world. Winter had been dry as a british joke; then came March, and with it the rain, and it just wouldn't stop. Of course, the ignorant majority of the population did not realize the true reason to this, and blamed it on untimely winds, the Hale-Bop comet or the forecast people. The infamous Fish Family, of course, knew better, and took special care of The Great Kawaii's meals, and whenever anyone asked them about the peculiarness of the weather-or-not they just said "God only knows!", stifling a giggle and trying very hard to look serious.

Yes, springtime had hit The Fish Lair, and it's consequences were not late to follow. Besides making all the residents of the Lair acting weirder than usual, there was intense preparation for the traditional events of this time of year - The passover meal, the raining of mulberries, and Red's long-awaited vacation. This, the family's ambassador in space's longest time-off since he's first joined the Armed Forces, was, (as well as any other vacation he ever got, actually) a cause of extensive disregard and lack of excitement.





 The third-from-top brother of the Fish quartet, Two Fish, more commonly known as Cat Fish for his incredible getting-along with cats, was glancing in satisfaction at his new ski-skates and suit. These were undoubtly a fascinating tool, and well worth the impressive amount of money he had spent on them. The fact that there were only two recorded cases of snow on the Fish Lair, and one of them was later proven to be not snow but merely an exploded shaving foam tube, and that temperatures often exceeded the average American's IQ (In Celsius), did not worry him in the least. "Why, I've got a friendly rain-god right here!" he said when asked, and presented the outrageously unseasoned cold as a proof. "I can have as much snow as I want, in the midst of summer, if necessary, and if the right catfood is provided!". The Fish line founders, Mom and Dad Fish, did not approve of the idea of snow in summer, but did not say a bad word about Cat's weird preferences of money-spending, the reason to that being that it wasn't their money. For Cat, although only seventeen years old and a four feet high, was already the active manager of three successful companies and assistant-consultant of another, and when not busy spending his money in many an adventurous way, he was busy making it. It was even rumored that he ws seen once hanging from a cliff by his second-from-the-right finger only during a rock-climbing session while giving his broker selling instructions through the cellular phone held in the other hand.

      Witchbrew

The mentioned individuals, the Founders and funders of the Fish lair, were equally unexcited about Red's return. They didn't have time to think about it. "You know, you can get from Cannes to Po in only 6 hours in the french railway!" called Dad Fish from his seat in front of Fat Bertha, his computer. Mom Fish, however, payed little attention to the subtle irony of Dad Fish's finding, unrecognizable by anyone who doesn't speak hebrew; she had her own deeds that needed doing in the kitchen. That's not to say she was cooking; oh no. The Fish family fed itself for the last seven years on meals whose preparation involved nothing more than sticking them in a microwave and waiting. However, she did promise to bring something of her rations to the Passover meal, to be conducted at the mansion of the Fish family's grand grandma, Gefilte Fish, and now had to improvise, using her newfound education as a witch. Which was not very good. Mom Fish was never much of a witch, for which reason she started taking a witching course for adults a couple of years back; she enjoyed getting to know her personal life better and connecting the spirits world, but never got the hang of riding a broom. Not when a Hoover vacuum is more dignified, and so much more comfortable to sit on.

Now, however, she was trying to put her skills to practical use; the various spell materials were all mixed together in a great pot, and thick smoke rose from it and went around the Fish Lair, getting into every room, spinning idly near the ceiling, and occasionally taking a book off the shelf and reading the back cover. Mom Fish made a secret gesture with her right hand and left ear, shaked the cat off, and uttered the magic words, "Ein li heshek levashel!" A blinding light sweeped the kitchen (and dusted the shelves), and when it faded, in the place of the pot stood a pile of, well, definitely a pile of something be it black and slimy as it might. Mom Fish stifled a curse in a language only mothers of four children and up could understand, then re-examined the things. They were hard and rough, but they did have their charm, she remarked, and decided to bring them to the passover meal anyway as Kebab.

      Reddie's back from the battlefield

Finally, the door to the Lair opened and Red stepped in, crunched under his luggage of laundry, a new printer and a big gun. "Hye" he tried to whisper, but nobody heard. Indeed, gone were the happy times when the family's other dog, Sheinkin/Duby, used to come to greet him with happy jumps and chirps. Well, okay, barks. With him gone to a better place, there was no on left to pay much much attention. "Red, is that you?" called Dad Fish from behind the wall (not to mention Bertha). "No, it's Atilla the Hunn" answered Red, always happy to show his vast collection of meaningless historic names. "Oh" said Dad Fish from behind the wall, and after a thought added, "Wipe your feet." Red picked his things again and dragged them the long, long way down the Corridor to his room, when he dropped them again and collapsed on the Green Things.

There he was soon discovered by Blue Fish, the youngest of Fishes, who was abusing Red's computer, Alfred, to his own purposes, that normally involved much shooting, virtual crashing cars and things going "zaaaaaaaaap!". "Red!!" he called excitedly, "You're home!! Did you buy the printer? Did you buy it? Did you? Did you? How much did it cost? Does it do color? Did you buy the new soundcard too? Where is it? Did you buy it? Did you?"

Toppled on the Green Things, Red realized he still had to face this one threat before he could get his deserved rest. "Blue! You leave Alfred alone right this minute!!" he shouted with the last of his strengh. This, like most major efforts in history, did not have the desired effect, but had others. Mom, Cat and Dad Fish hurried to the room at the sound of his scream. even Poly Dog woke from his sleep and tried to walk toward Red's room as well, but mistakenly started walking the wrong way and into the dining room wall. There he decided it wasn't worth the effort and collapsed asleep again."Oh, it's you. did you buy the printer?" Cat greeted his beloved brother. "Ughhhhhrt" answered Red unspecifically, to the satisfaction of the family, who then left the room content with their welcome.


      Crash


The Passover meal due to sunday, The Fishes still had plenty of time to attend their usual business. And so, after setting up the printer, printing a couple of pictures of Alicia Silverstone and Maayan Keret, setting the soundcard, watching a few taped episodes of The Simpsons, Reading a Neil Gaiman comics that came by the mail, sleeping and having a bath (in this order), Red had a brief telephonic conversation with his old friend and alter-ego May, arranging a routine movie-going event. The event was routine, but the movie wasn't - it wasn't even a movie in the usual sense, but the foreboding four-and-a-half hours The Kingdom. At the appointed time, then, Red took Red Car's keys, ready to go on the short journey to Point, May's residence. Cat Fish wanted to come too, but Red objected.

"I just need you to drop me in Reasons" Cat said. "One of our distributers is having troubles with his accounts, and I have to fend the mob off. Silly old man."

"No way, I'm not driving you." insisted Red.

"Why?" asked cat.

"I don't get into Reasons."

Red Car, the happy little Subaru, filled with gas and jumpy as usual, fidgeted and bounced excitedly up the road, as if to say "Where're we goin, where're we going?" but actually, he knew the way from The Fish Lair to Point pretty much by heart. Therefore Red eased at the wheel, and let Red do most of the work.

But getting to point was not going to be that easy.

Red Car jumped out of a curve in the road, just a few meters before the gate to point, when suddenly the devil's car appeared from the side road, ignoring all traffic signs and moral issues. "Eh? Who does this one think he is? I'll show him some manners!" Thought Red Car with his made-in-Japan brain. "No, Red, NO!!!" shouted Red (Fish), and desperately tried to move Red from his vengeful course, but he was too late - Red Car stuck himself, and Red Fish with him, into the side of the Devil's Car, which wasn't fun for either of them.

"Hey, that hurt!" Called Red Car surprisedly, and then fell silent, leaving Red to the angry shouts of The Devil and his son. Surprisingly, the Devil had a strong russian accent.

      Reactions and consolations
"Couldn't you crash your car at the end of your vacation, you dumbass?!" shouted May.

"How not smart of you" said Cat Fish. "I wish I'd one day be as tall and responsible as you."

"It's those damn movies they have today" said Gefilte Fish, "They encourage kids to have accidents."

"No, tell me, was it fun? Did you flip over and burst in flames or something?" Asked Blue Fish.

"You better be right about this guy not obeying the traffic sign" said Dad Fish. "We don't have insurance on this car."

"No, really, I'm fine, don't worry about me, really, I'm absolutely okay, not a scratch, just psychological damage, maybe" replied Red to one and all.

And what's worse: The Fish Family was left with only one car for the duration of Passover. Not to mention Red and May not being able to get any sensible popcorn.

      Passing over


and so it was that the Family was forced to drive down the mountain to grandma Gefilte Fish while stuck tight like sardines in one poor car. And just to make things worse, The great Kawaii must have been displeased - this whole carpet incident - and punished them with an annoyingly typical hot day, and no air conditioning whatsoever. "What was so bad in the army?" Red complained loudly while stuffed between Cat and Blue in the back seat, trying not to get glued to each other, "It was actually pretty nice... The food could be better, but..." The other Fishes did not reply: they were staring, awestruck, as a teardrop-shaped Toyota Privia, silent and cool, slid past the Fishes' Car at a hundred miles an hour. Then its wheels folded upwards and it rose ito the sky, leaving a thin trail of smoke and a lot of confusion behind her.

"Is hallucination a sign of an upcoming heat exhaustion?" Cat wondered aloud.

"I don't know. I'm hot." said Red.

"Look who's talking! It's your fault we don't have Red Car with us."

"It wasn't my fault! You agreed on that!"

"Sure it wasn't. Tell it to the judge."

"He'd believe me."

"Right. But I won't."

"Wait until you'll be driving for two years, we'll see in how many accidents you'll get." said Red, hoping Cat will not remember that in two year's time.

When the family arrived at Gefilte Fish's house they were sticky, tired and very hungry. Therefore they could hardly wait for the other family branches to gother, and then went straight to the food, without bothering reading the Hagadda first, as tradition demands. Or would have, if Mom Fish was not there to stop them. It wouldn't be so bad if we pig-eaters would pay some respect to religion once in a year, she reasoned, and no one had the energy to speak up. So, the Family sat down at the table, and read through the Haggada in a record breaking minute and a half. Mom Fish was praised for her kebabs.