Long Distance

So I wasn't so excited about this whole year 2000 thing, well, you know, I had a lot of time to prepare, and after all, it's just a big round number. But I know several guys who would have been really excited about it, if they were here to see it. One of them is me, a few years ago. I can't be blamed for it - for years I've been pumped with this "Year 2000" thing, as something marvelous and exciting and very very far away. That was mainly because most of the pumping was done by people, books, movies, and other things from very long ago, when the year 2000 (Back then it was known by its full name) really was rather far and rather exciting.

So once that year really did come by, and the world didn't seem very different, I decided to ive myself a call.

"Hello", he said.

"Hye, Red!" I said. "Know who this is?"

"One? Where are you?"

"Nah, it's not One, it's Red."

"Dad? What happened to your voice?"

"No! It's me! I mean you! Red! Only a few years later."

"Ah. Wow, that's cool. Hey, I get it now. that's really smart of you. Give me the numbers."

"What numbers?"

"The lottery numbers, you idiot. Isn't it why you called?"

"Er... no, actually I don't remember any."

"No?!" He sounded deeply disappointed. "Then what are you calling me for?"

"Nothing special. Just wanted to see how you are doing."

"Huh? You sound like grandma."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do. Come on, try to remember, you gotta remember a few numbers, at least."

"Er... Sorry. Listen, I just wanted to ask you a few things about the year 2000."

"What do you need to ask me for? You're probably closer to it than I am."

"Well, actually, this is 2000."

"You're talking from 2000?! Wow! Why didn't you say so1 Do you have one of those low bikes?"

"What?"

"Those funny bicycles where you almost lie on your back. I saw an article that said that all bicycles will look like that in the year 2000."

"I don't know what you're talking about. My bike is perfectly normal."

"Ah. That's good, actually, cause I had a few stories with people driving bikes in them and I don't want to change them. Hey, if you're talking from 2000 you must be - um.... twenty- twenty-three. How many books did you write yet?"

"Um, well, I didn't publish any books."

"What! What are you waiting for?"

"I dunno. I wrote one book, but it wasn't so good."

"what do you mean? What about all those book ideas I've had? Don't tell me you've lost the list."

"Red, shut up for a moment. You're embarrassing me."

"Why, who's listening?"

"I'm writing this on the internet."

"That's a year-2000 thing, right? Is it like a book?"

"Well, sorta."

"Good enough. So you are a famous writer after all."

"Well, I did get fan letters from all over the world."

"Neat! So what are you doing if you're not a writer?"

"I'm a Web Designer." I said very proudly

"What's that?"

"Um, nevermind. It's complicated. You'll see. Hey, I was the one who called you, I'm supposed to be asking the questions."

"Where do you live, anyway?"

"In Kukuriku. What does it matter?"

"Is that on Earth?"

"Yes, of course it's on Earth!"

"But you've been to the moon, right?"

"Of course not! We don't just hop to the moon just yet!"

Red mumbled something about Bazooka being stupid liars.

"Anyway, Red, let's speed it up. These calls are expensive. I just wanted to know what do you think of the year 2000."

"Nothing."

"What do you mean, nothing? It must be pretty exciting for you."

"2000? Why, no, it's just a round number. What's so special about it? I thought I'd be more mature than that at your age."

"But... you were excited about it! I remember I was! You used to think about it a lot."

"Well, yeah, but just because it's far away. I don't care about that number. When all these people are talking about 'the year 2000' they mean the 21st century, anyway. You sure you can't remember any lottery numbers at all? Even one would help."

"No, told you, sorry... er... so you're not excited about it at all?"

"Would you shut up about that stupid year? No I'm not. What, did you mean to laugh at me? you wanted to show everyone how small and stupid I am because I get all excited because of a number? Is that it?"

"Er, no. Of course not. Just wanted to talk, that's all. Well, I gotta hang up now. Um, say Hi to Dimion for me, will you?"

"Sure. Hope you get over all the excitement of all those zeroes." he grinned.

"Oh, yeah, and one more thing" I said. "In a few years you're going to hear about something called the Millennium Bug."

:"Well what about it?"

"It's gonna be the end of the world."

I hung up. That oughta teach the little bastard.