Adventures in long distance love

"I hate Lesbians!!" May shouted as soon as I picked up the phone. "They're bad!! Amanda only put them on earth to make other lesbians miserable!"

"That's a very general declaration, not to say racist" I replied carefully. "What happened?"

"Helga."

"Um."

I'm not good with these things.

May met Helga Schmidt on that extra week she spent in the United States after I came home, and, as I gather, they got along rather well. In fact, as you might imagine, they got along very well. She didn't want to leave. And after she did leave they started exchanging emails - at least 17 a day, I think. And a couple of hours' phone calls, too. That's unusual, even for May, who falls in love between two and five times a week, depending on the whether.

Usually I'm against losing sleep over long-distance relationship, based on a few cases in my history (the #Ricci case). I have a firm belief that these things doesn't - can, might, but doesn't - work. Of course, try telling that to a netizen in love. However, in this case, I thought I could make an exception - after all, it's not as if they don't know each other - they've met, and even spent a very busy week together. So right now they're kinda far from each other and talk via emails and long, long, long distance calls, so what of it?

I've been on the receiving end of this relationship. I've been receiving reports. And you're not going to hear them here. You'd be surprised at the level of intimacy that can be achieved by email and phone, or maybe you won't be surprised. I always thought it was just something people talk about, and don't really do. Which is exactly what it is, in a way.

Helga is almost as weird as May. That's probably why they get along so well. Judging by the report I get after every phonecall, her capability at saying weird stuff is impressive even by our standards, which is a lot. She is also capricious in almost Mayish standards. For example, a week ago she decided that, although she loves May very much, she's not willing to face the prospects of these intercontinental relationship, and disconnected.

Which Brings us back to the beginning. To say that May was depressed is an insulting understatement. She was pretty literally heartbroken. I said she should talk to her. "You don't get dumped by e-mail!" I claimed.

"i just did" May said.

A week later, when I came back from College again (it's been happening almost every week lately), she called and asked what's up and did I hear that all about the money song and isn't it annoying and Helga's so great and if I want to go to see a movie. We've been having troubles seeing movies lately, since american movies take months to get to the land of Iz, and we don't. There's hardly anything we haven't seen yet.

"What happened to Helga?" I asked, perplexed.

"She loves me!" May said.

"But didn't you break up or something?"

"No. I talked to her. She's coming here in six weeks."

"Really?" is all I could say.

"Yeah. So you want to see the new Halloween or not?"

Well, it's been more complicated than that, but I don't want to start writing another soap opera here. The situation right now: Helga Schmidt is coming to the land of Iz in a month or so - maybe a little longer - and that'll be the last I'll see of May, at least for a while. I hope she will find time in her busy schedule for me, too, eventually. Tomorrow we're going to Antz.